| Trying not to be worried... |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|08:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
Okay... So life has been going quite well for me right?... I've been much happier with everything... The year of therapy helped me so much... No more depression... Very little emotional eating... I've lost a lot of weight... I'm eating a balanced diet... I'm hanging out with friends... The career is going very well... Other than the stomach problems (which have been no small annoyance I'll tell ya) and a serious lack of male companionship, life is grand... :) I haven't felt this happy and content in years...
WHAMMMMOOOOO!!
Yesterday I had my annual physical... I needed to go for it because I was told by my doctor four months ago that I couldn't have my next depo shot without it... So, off I go... Same ol', same ol'... The doctor covering for my doctor's maternity leave is pretty cool... She was fun to talk to... I informed her all about my screwed up insides... Told her to be a tiny bit careful with the speculum... lol... Anyway, things were going well... We're chatting away and I'm not having a bad time at all... Except that she's doing my breast exam and goes quiet... There's a minute or so of silence as she feels around... "Has there been any change in your breasts over the last year?"... "I don't think so. Not that I've noticed"...... The rest is a blur... Something to do with cystic tissue... fibrous tissue... thickening... Found first in one breast and then the other... Questions about whether my doctor had noticed this last year... I don't remember her saying anything... She checks my chart and sees the notation about finding a small area... It's not small anymore...She's sending me for an ultrasound on both breasts this Thursday and I don't mind saying that I'm really scared...
My thought pattern right now:
I have to be positive... I will be fine... It will be nothing... I will not worry... I will not worry... I will not worry... I will not worry............. Holy crap... What if I have breast cancer???????????? ................. It'll be nothing... I will NOT worry.................. |
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| Summer vacation blues |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|10:38 am] |
For months now, I've been trying to plan my summer vacation... I made the effort to go to my boss and ask for more vacation time... They agreed so from now on I get 4 weeks vacation time a year... My first thought was "Yay!! Now I can take a two week vacation and still have some time left to spread out during the rest of the year!"... I was soooo happy... I thought I could truly start to do some travelling...
I told my friends, Carol (the teacher who can only go away in the summer or march break) and Susan (the travel agent who always finds us good deals), about the extra time and we immediately started talking about a two week vacation away...
First idea, Europe... I was soooo excited about that idea since I haven't been overseas since I was 10... and even then it was just to England to see relatives... There is sooooo much of the world yet to see!! Susan had a great idea about renting a villa in either the south of France, Italy or Greece... Carol didn't want to do that... She's a Contiki Tour type girl.. She wants to be on the go from morning 'til night, seeing everything possible... I'm a middle of the road girl... I want to see the sights, yes... But I also want to see how the natives live... Try living how they live... Experience the culture... Not just play tourist... Either way, I'm easy to get along with and agreed whatever they decided, I would do...
Then Carol realized she needed to buy a new car this year... She told us that she did France last year and since she needed the car, this year isn't good for Europe.. Okayyyy...
Next ideas were: 1) A Caribbean cruise... I've done that once, long ago, and loved it... 2) An all inclusive trip to Jamaica... Carol is okay with relaxing on this kind of trip... and 3) A driving trip around California... California turned out to be the winner... Susan kept saying she envisioned us doing a "Thelma and Louise" type thing... Rent a convertible, drive all over, seeing and doing as much as possible... I was excited about this idea...
I would have been happy going with the flow and just exploring... but I know Carol and I know she'd want a detailed plan of what we're doing day and night... I decided that was okay with me... Susan and I talked... I suggested that we just pick the start point and the end point, book flights, rent the car... Then we could happily spend the next three months planning our route, activities, etc... I thought she agreed with me... Wrong... She's gone all "we have to have a plan before I book the flights" on me!! Arghhh... I don't see the point in this... California is not soooo big that we can't get from LA to San Francisco in 14 days without a big plan BEFORE booking the flights!?!? .. Oh well... I argued for a bit and eventually gave in... It's annoying as all hell because it makes it more stressful than it has to be, but whatever... (I'm starting to think travelling alone is a good idea!! lol)
So I spend the last five days madly planning and researching places and road maps... I figure out a plan that I'M okay with and here's what happens........
Susan emails us last night... She's been laid off for the summer!?!?! ...She has no idea what to do... Find a new job, or go on EI for the time being and wait for the call back in September... If it comes?!... Poor thing... I feel awful for her...
Now I'm thinking about signs... I do believe in signs... Maybe we're not meant to go away this year... I mean, think about it... Carol just this week bought her brand new car... Susan gets laid off... And I am planning on spending a lot on laser eye surgery... Maybe we should just let it be and plan something for next year???
I wonder how this is going to end up... |
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| Laser eye correction |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|10:28 am] |
Today is the day I have my first consultation for laser eye surgery... I've been thinking about it for a long time and I'm finally taking action... I will spend the afternoon at LasikMD getting all sized up and we'll see if I'm a candidate... I can't see why I wouldn't be... My eyes aren't half as bad as my sister's were before her surgery last year... But you never know... With "Trudi Luck" it's almost inevitable that they're going to say something is terribly out of whack and it's not possible... lol... We'll see...
Next week I go to TLC and Herzig... I will decide on the place I'm most comfortable and hopefully have this done before summer really hits... Man, it would be great to wear sunglasses this summer... What I'm really dreaming about is being able to go for a swim and see across the pool!! The things 20/20 people don't even think about...
I'm excited about this... Frightened and nervous too... |
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| Stomach problems... |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|10:12 am] |
Arggghhhh!! I have been having problems with my stomach for a year now... It'll be better for a bit and then it starts up again... It's bad now... I'm in almost constant pain... I don't know what to do anymore... I take the medication but it doesn't work consistently... Maybe that means it doesn't work at all... I mean, if it doesn't make me feel better all of the time, who's to say that it's working ever... Maybe I'm just having good days and bad days... ???
I just can't stand physical pains that I can't fix with medicine... Headaches don't bug me because I can take Advil and kick it outta my head... This stomach stuff drives me crazy... Once it starts to hurt, it'll go on for hours and I can't make it go away no matter what I do... I'm almost afraid to eat nowadays... I never know when it's going to make it hurt... I can't figure out a pattern... Sometimes it hurts if it's been too long since I've eaten... Sometimes it hurts when I eat light things... Sometimes it's fine... I just can't figure it out... And anyone who knows me, knows that not being able to analyze and correct problems drives me batty...
I've been doing this cleanse for about 2 1/2 weeks now... I don't know if it has anything to do with the pain I'm having because I felt great (no pain at all) the first week or so...
I can't imagine having to feel like this for the rest of my life... I've done the specialist thing... I am really close to calling him and asking to see him again... I've also thought it might be time to go see a naturopath... See if they can help me...
Oh well... Enough complaining for now... |
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| Pet peeve... |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|10:36 am] |
Slow walkers!! Get out of my wayyyy!!!
There's a lady I work with who drives me crazy with this... She walks sooooo slowly, and for some unknown reason, always seems to have to have one hand on her ass at the same time??... I thought maybe she had back problems but I asked her one day (tactfully) and she said no... Bizarre! |
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| My Current Quit Stats... :) |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|02:49 pm] |
QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.
I never thought I'd do it but I did?!?! :)
It's great to be able to breath again... I don't cough anymore... I don't smell anymore... lol... It's a wonderful thing! |
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